How To Get Through Relationship Troubles Believe it or not, folks, relationships will have many hardships. Today, we will guide you through some of those hardships and how to overcome them with your partner. But first, make us your partner in health tips!
Gaining Weight
When you’re in love the world seems brighter around you, the sun shinier, the birds chirpier, the sights…. uh… sightlier. The point is that you’re happier, and nothing could go wrong. Your life has peaked, and there’s no way it could get any worse.
No way.
No how.
We might as well end the article here because there is no way something will come along and change your perception of love. Yes, love is a beautiful thing. It involves hugging, kissing, laughing, holding hands and gaining weight.
Wait… what was that last part?
Today, folks, we’re going to ask and answer the question: Can Love Make You Gain Weight? We’ll just get right to it and say sorry to burst your bubble here, but you might be gaining weight due to your recent fling with whomever.
This is especially true when you’re newlyweds. Often, as a new couple, you go out more, you spend more time sipping cocktails and looking into each other’s eyes, and most of all, you stop watching your weight.
We mean, the whole point of staying in shape was to get a partner, and now that you do, you can finally be comfortable, right?
This isn’t just speculation, either. Our friend and frequent collaborator PENNY GORDON‐LARSEN said this: “The researchers concluded that living together increases both men’s and women’s risk for obesity.
The study only looked at couples, so the jury is still out on whether there are similar trends in non-straight couples.” PENNY GORDON‐LARSEN goes on to say: “One study that tracked the weights of over 8,000 people found that, on average, married women gain 24 pounds in the first five years of marriage
Women who cohabitate but aren’t married gain only 18 pounds, while women who are in a relationship but living separately gain 15 pounds.” Men also tend to gain weight, but whether they were married or not didn’t matter.
Whether they have a partner or a spouse, they gain the same weight. This phenomenon is called concordance, or gaining weight together. It has everything to do with everything we talked about a minute ago: going out more, staring into each other’s eyes, yadda, yadda.
About this happening, PENNY GORDON‐LARSEN said: “Women who live with a romantic partner have an increased chance of becoming obese within a year, and men’s odds increase within two years.
As a whole, married couples will most likely experience this weight gain within two years.” Overall, she found that weight gain behavior is contagious. There’s also a factor of happiness.
That’s right. Whether you have a happy marriage or not determines whether you might gain weight.
The SOUTHERN METHODIST UNIVERSITY discovered that: “Other research has found that young newlyweds who are happy with their marriage tend to put on extra weight.
In contrast, couples who weren’t as satisfied with their relationship tend to gain less weight.” So what can you do about it?
Well, our best advice is to work out together. Take a walk after dinner, and maybe find a fun activity you both enjoy that’s also exercise. Marathons, sports, and gym sessions are all great ways to shed those extra relationship pounds.
There are other ways to prevent weight loss, too– you could eat out less, for starters. Making homemade, healthy meals is one of the best ways to lose weight. Remember the adage– abs are made in the kitchen.
Another thing you could do is to choose healthier snacks and meals, the ones that you make at home.
The bottom line is this: be conscious of what you eat and ensure your partner is also. Remember, you’re there to support each other.
Fights
So there you go. You conquered the weight gain, and now there’s nothing that could ruin your good time in the relationship.
Nothing.
Nothing… at… all…
Alright, enough is enough. We’re going to pop your little bubble here: sooner or later, you’re going to get into a fight. Don’t panic; conflict in a relationship is a good thing.
Experts have found that: “When there are no conflicts in a relationship, there is no trust in it. If you keep your feelings to yourself, you can’t change anything. Arguments help express anger and tell your partner what you don’t like.
You’ll find each other’s weak spots and begin understanding each other better.” You just need to make sure that you don’t have what we like to call “ugly fights”. Ugly fights are loud, bombastic conflicts that are chalked full of criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling come into play.
Some of these words might be confusing in the context of a relationship fight, so let’s review the list and make sure you’re on board.
Criticism.
It’s okay to occasionally criticize your relationship, even your partner’s behavior and opinions. However, we consider those kinds of criticisms “complaints,” whereas real criticisms are completely different.
When complaints turn into criticisms, that’s when you have an issue.
Confused?
Well, PSYCHOLOGY TODAY explains it a little better: “A complaint focuses on the event or behavior you want to change, while criticism attacks a partner’s personality. When you find yourself generalizing that your partner “always” or “never” does something, you are falling prey to criticism.
For example, I may want to let my husband know that I find it annoying that we don’t travel very often.
I could just tell him that I wish we had traveled more. Or I could blame him for this problem and say, “We never travel because you are always so selfish and don’t care about my interests.” So, what do you do about criticisms?
Don’t blame it when you complain. It’s easy to remember, too, because it rhymes.
Defensiveness.
When you’re fighting with your partner and they have a… complaint about you, how do you react? Do you take the complaint in, internalize it, and think about how you can change it?
If you do, then wow, you’re awesome. For the rest of us, there’s being defensive—when you find an excuse immediately to defend yourself in an argument. And that’s not the only defining characteristic of defensiveness, either.
PSYCHOLOGY TODAY says that: “Defensiveness also occurs when you respond to a partner’s complaints with complaints of your own: When your partner lets you know they find it annoying that you leave empty shampoo bottles in the shower, you respond by pointing out that you find it annoying when they don’t make the bed.”
So, what should you do about defensiveness?
Just take some darn responsibility. If you do that and apologize, we can guarantee that your fights will be a lot less catastrophic.
Contempt.
This is one of the worst things you can do during a fight, and frankly, it’s one of the surefire signs a relationship is on its way out. PSYCHOLOGY TODAY describes contempt as “the feeling that you are better than your partner, and it comes out when you make derisive comments that are insulting.
If you call your partner names, mock him or her, and are sarcastic or roll your eyes at him or her, you are likely feeling contempt.” Remember that teasing in the relationship is fine, but it can go too far.
PSYCHOLOGY TODAY warns about this: “if you find yourself teasing in a mean-spirited way, such as making fun of something you know they are sensitive about, that is a sign of contempt. (And calling your partner an idiot, and meaning it, is a surefire sign your relationship is in the dumps.)”
So, how can you stop feeling contempt towards your partner during a fight or in the relationship in general?
Think about all the things you like about them. Think about what your life would be like without them in it.
That should help you feel a little better, and if it doesn’t, well, maybe it’s time to move on.
Stonewalling.
Finally, we approach the subject of stonewalling in a fight. Stonewalling is… well, it’s acting like a stone wall.
If you fight and stay quiet, give one-word answers, or do other such things, you’re stonewalling.
Some experts say that “this happens in response to feeling overwhelmed by your partner’s strong negativity”.
Some psychiatrists find that men do this more often than women, so gentlemen, pay attention. How can you stop yourself from stonewalling? PSYCHOLOGY TODAY says you should try this: “Instead of disengaging as a response to being overwhelmed, try letting your partner know that you need to take some time to calm down and plan to return to the conversation when you feel more relaxed.”
If you stop all four of those practices and start working out together, your relationship will be much stronger. And when your relationship succeeds, you succeed. At least, we hope that’s the case. And so, our little expose about love and gaining weight is over.
